yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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