Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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