happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
