Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I won't apologize to a one balled man
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
