Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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