Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
