no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
