We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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