So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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