I just made out with a guy for $7.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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