I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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