I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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