I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
