have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
