You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
