You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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