Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
