Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
