you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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