So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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