I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
