Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
