He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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