im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
