It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize