guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
