last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hippo gnu deer
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
