You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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