Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
