The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
