how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
