He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
