Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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