this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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