Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize