Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
