there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
