sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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