i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
