you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
