i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
