i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
