i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
