69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
