where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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