If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
