if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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