But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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