when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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