She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize