I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
