I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
