i just google imaged poop.
this beer tastes like vomit already
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize