It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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