is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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