I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You can't special order awesome
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
