My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
