My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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