Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
