Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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