it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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