i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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