Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
