she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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