so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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