Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
