It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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