hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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