she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
