i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
