weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She announced her abortion via fbk
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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